If you've ever had the feeling of not wanting to share what's going on simply because what you have to share feels pretty discouraging, you understand how I'm feeling as I force myself to record what's going on right now with our sweet girl. We are tired, drained, and just wanting to fix all that seems to be wrong.
After a very difficult few days (this has definitely been the worst week yet with colic, fussiness, and being up until the late hours of the night), we headed to the Dr for Hadley's 2 month check up and I was more than ready to ask "what do we do next"? The Dr (and I agree) really feels like these issues are dietary related because there aren't any other blaring symptoms that would make it seem like an internal issue or something more chronic like reflux. Her symptoms aren't all day long and it makes since that she's relieved in the morning hours since I haven't been eating all night. At that point, I had not been eating any dairy for 2 full weeks... it clearly wasn't the culprit but could still a contributing factor. So, my Dr recommended the dreaded--that I eliminate the next 3 major allergens--soy, corn, and wheat. And so you ask, what will I eat? EXACTLY. For carbs, I'll eat potatoes and rice only, I'll eat meat, and I'll eat my weight in fruits and vegetables probably. Everything processed is out and I can't even go to Starbucks because I can't have soy now :( I'm thankful for this natural approach to hopefully fixing the issue at this point...I really do want to continue breastfeeding and let's be honest, I don't want to pay for the crazy expensive formula it would require to not give Hadley dairy or soy. I am feeling very overwhelmed by this journey I'm embarking on. I'm hoping to spend some time today coming up with a menu and stocking my pantry so that I won't always be wondering what to eat... Since I started this diet a few days ago, I have not felt "full" once. I have a few friends encouraging me that have dealt with breastfeeding and food elimination and I'm so grateful. This is likely to be a lonely journey since no one around me will be saying no to food all the time like I will. If you're still reading this, thank you for listening to my pity party... I do want to be honest about where I am so that I'll remember these not-so-easy days. I had a great conversation with my friend Sharon yesterday, who most of you remember had A LOT of hard days with her Bosten. I'm thankful for the perspective that it won't be like this forever but also to have someone validate all that I'm feeling and struggling with.
Ultimately, if this will help Hadley, I'm up for the challenge. It is very difficult when she is struggling so much at night and in those moments I would do anything to help her. I'm hopeful she'll grow out of these things she seems to be sensitive to but we'll just take it one month or so at a time. For now, I'll eliminate it all and once it's all out of my system (3 or 4 weeks), we'll start adding things slowly back in to see what is irritating her.
You can pray for my spirits...I'm discouraged and overwhelmed, in the midst of being tired. I'm hopeful that it has to get better from here and that soon we'll be enjoying some quieter nights.
Thanks for the listening ears blog friends!
